The words you speak convey the "What". The content.
The tone of your voice conveys "Who you are being". Eg supportive/loving/present/sarcastic/hurtful/bossy
In any conversation of significance, Who you are Being trumps What you are saying.
If you cannot identify a specific adjective(s) to describe who you are being in your interactions, then that is exactly what you need to determine and become more intentional about.
IMHO, if this all people knew about relationships, they would be miles ahead of the rest.
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