A question that made me more responsible

By the time I had hit my late teens, I thought I was already pretty responsible. Afterall, I was getting pretty good grades at school, I wasn’t into video games, was generally well mannered, and willing to work hard. Of course, my table was a mess , but  weren’t all boys’ tables like that’?:)   My parents would occasionally admonish me asking me to be more responsible, and I typically took offense to this demand. I was already pretty responsible, what more did they expect?

 

And so it was, until, I came across this question –

‘Who are you a role model to? ‘

 I remember being shocked reading this question. Nothing remotely close to the idea of being a role model had crossed my mind. I had so far evaluated my life and level of responsibility purely on the basis of whether I was handling my tasks pretty well. It had never occurred to consider the impact I had on others.

 

And what a scary thought. Being a role model immediately had me conjuring images of me stiffening up, wearing a tie, and maintaining a dignified stance. It felt like way too much responsibility. Way too much public scrutiny. Way too many eyes on how I behaved, spoke and generally conducted myself.

 

But whether we like it or not, there are people who look up to us, often without us knowing it. I know I have looked up to many people without necessarily telling them that. If you have a child, you are already your child’ role model, at least up to the point they hit the teens.

 

For reasons I find hard to explain, this question made me raise my own standards. It made me want to raise my standards. Regardless of whether or not anyone thought of me as a role model. It made me aware of my impact on others.

 

Further, it offered me a simple follow-up question that I would ask myself whenever I was confused about the direction to take in any situation – “What would a role model do in this situation?” . Even if it didn’t answer my question , it helped my evaluate each possibility with ‘Would a role model do this ? ‘. I thought of one of my own role models  - a brilliant and kind colleague that we affectionately called Nags.

Nags conducted himself with grace, generosity and courtesy at all times, and it did not detract from his brilliance shining through in any way. And I found myself soon asking ‘What would Nags do?’ when faced with a tough situation. Often, I found myself answering ‘Nags would never find himself in this situation’ J.

Nags was insanely impressive and a rare combination of technical and people skills, but always made people around him feel that they could become impressive too. He was a true role model. A source of inspiration without trying to be one. His grace and generosity stemmed from a place of genuine good-will. He didn’t try to ‘become’ a role model from a place of ego or sense of superiority. Indeed, when I once expressed my admiration for him, he graciously thanked me and spoke of himself self-deprecatingly, and had encouraging words to offer me, turning the spotlight on me instead.

Just like Nags, each of us have a role to play in the life-experiences of people that we closely interact with. What influence do you think you have on the life-experience of those you have come in touch with? How do  you infuse positivity in others ? how do you inspire others ? What makes you a worthy role model to your own child ?

 

On my last day of college, I handed out my slam ( autograph) book to my classmates, and a thoughtful friend of mine wrote the below passage ( original quthor unknown ). I have come back to read it many many times in my life, and it’s been a big source of inspiration for me.. 

‘There are many lights in the heavens. But the ones that glow most brightly are those which lighted the way when others were not there. Let your thoughts reach out and grasp those stars so that when you time is over, you will find that at least some part of the world is brighter because you once passed that way”

PS: I wrote this article many years ago. Posting it now. Will refine it later :)