I set out to improve my public speaking skills and decided to join a toastmasters club. Back then, I was learning a lot about conquering my fears. Given that public speaking has the distinguished reputation of being ranked as the Number one fear in the world, I recognized that improving my public speaking skills would help me become a more courageous person in general. Little did I realize then that improving my public speaking skills offered numerous other benefits that were hard to recognize in the beginning.
Here are some of my word-won lessons on how I could improve further as a speaker. I haven’t mastered these; rather I realize that each of these is important, and I am working on internalizing them. The purpose of this post is to share what I have learnt so far:
· It’s not just what you say, it’s how you say it: This is a mistake I have seen speakers make all the time, and I make it myself. We write a speech, and then spend all our time leading to the D-day, memorizing the speech. Making sure we aren’t forgetting any bits. Making sure we remember the transition points in our speech even if we somehow forget the details, so that we can improvise on the fly. We practice our speech numerous times until we have it memorized in time, and then we deliver it on the D-day. Right? Wrong.
The true preparation for our speech begins after we have it memorized. Studies indicate that 55 percent of our communication is made up of body language, the tone of voice accounts for 38%, while the verbal content accounts for a mere 7%. And yet, most speakers spend over 90% of their time focusing on the 7%. This isn’t to minimize the importance of content; rather it is to emphasize that the real work begins after the content has been memorized cold. Being purposeful in the way we speak, the way we use our hand gestures, the way we move on the stage – all of these often contribute more to the effectiveness of the speech than the content itself.
· Go for maximum impact rather than maximum content: In the first few speeches that I gave, I made (and sometimes continue making) a rookie mistake. I tried to pack in as much content as I could. I wanted to make sure that the value I packed into my speech would be well worth the audience’s time. I was deeply aware that a 5-minute speech five to an audience of 20 people meant 100 minutes of listening time. Surely, the best way to demonstrate respect for the audience’s time was to jam-pack the speech with content, right?
Wrong.
If you jam pack the speech with numerous different points, the audience will not leave with any single take-away. Also, while you may be very familiar with the content in your speech, it is new to the audience. Are you giving them enough time to process, and to feel what you are saying? Or are you hoping to share a drop a million insight-bombs in your 5-minute speech and leave them super impressed? Rather than seeking to maximize the amount of content you can pack in, choose to focus on just a few points, and think about how you can convey them in the most impactful way.
A great speech is usually like a story –When you listen to a story, are you looking for ‘maximum content’ ? No. You are looking for a story which is engaging, entertaining, perhaps with a message at the end. A great story always evokes emotions in us. Makes us experience a ride of a lifetime. So, rather than attempting to impress the audience with a stream of penetrating insights, ask yourself what emotions would you like to leave the audience with at the end of your speech? If your speech absolutely lacks any emotion, it simply won’t be very memorable.
· Watch the speed limits – This can be tied to the earlier point, but I needed to make this a separate one – Because I have made both the mistakes far too often. One way rookie speakers try to maximize the content in their speech is being speaking fast. Really fast. They tend to think – “I’ve got just 5 minutes. And I’ve got tonnes of great content. So how do I deliver all this? Let me just blurt it all out as fast as I can”. Right?
Wrong.
There are several problems with speaking too fast. The audience cannot follow your train of thought. Even if they do, they don’t get enough time to really absorb, and feel the emotions that your story portrays. Most importantly, speaking really fast conveys low confidence. The speaker assumes at some level, that they are not worth the audience’s time, and wish to compensate for it, by taking as little of it as possible – by speaking fast. It also shows a lack of self-control, a lack of stability and centeredness, and a lack of comfort with one self. Slow down. Pauses are a powerful communications tool. Let the audience absorb and feel each sentence.
· The secret to sounding less rehearsed – You listen to a speech and often can spot almost immediately that it is memorized. Every single word of it. You record yourself giving a speech, and yours seem memorized too. And you cannot solve the problem. How can you make your speech appear more spontaneous and less rehearsed? The answer – through expressiveness and emotionality. It is these 2 components, done in the moment that brings spontaneity to your speech.
Being expressive and being ok displaying emotions is hard for many speakers, and it has been hard for me as well. But I have come to be believe that this, more than anything else, is where the personal development part of becoming a better speaker really lies. When we encourage ourselves to be more expressive, more spontaneous, and less filtering of our true emotions – we are more in touch with our ‘inner free child’ – the one who needs no permission from anyone to be itself.
There are 4 primary emotions – sad, mad, glad, scared. Which of these do you identify with the least, and didn’t have ‘permission’ to express early on? Which of these do you avoid expressing and substitute with a different emotion instead? Work on learning to get in touch with, and to label every emotion you internally experience. Perhaps you have a deep unexpressed sadness that you have transformed to anger? Start expressing your sadness instead of the anger. It is infinitely more effective, and you will come across as infinitely more powerful.
Figure out how you can tap more into each of the four primary emotions. Regardless of whether or not you become a better speaker (and trust me, you undoubtedly will), you will become way more integrated emotionally. There are speakers who are different off-stage and different on-stage. The more you do this work, the more you will be the same person everywhere
· Speak with conviction and passion – Not your style? It wasn’t mine either 😀 Speaking with conviction and passion appears ‘larger than life’. Seems like a character right out of the movies. You are more ‘low key’. Not as much ‘in your face’. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
The real question is this – In your own life, how strongly do you believe in the strength of your convictions?’ How strongly do you feel about anything? How openly are you able to speak out things that you care deeply about?
The audience will truly connect with your message, only when you connect deeply with it yourself. And when you connect with it deeply, and give yourself permission to express it, the conviction shines through. The real power and effectiveness of a speech is really in this – How deeply do you feel about the message you are sharing? There are other qualities that speaking with conviction portrays – decisiveness, passion, self-assurance, being more in touch with your true-self – all qualities well-worth cultivating
· Plant your feet firmly on the ground – The number one fear in the world is public speaking. Fear of dying comes in at number 3. The biggest challenge that almost every speaker faces is in dealing with their anxieties as they come up on stage. While conquering our anxieties cannot be reduced to a 5-point bullet-list, this is the most seemingly obvious and most powerful way, in my opinion to get started – Planting one’s feet firmly on the ground before we begin speaking.
Why is a tree strong and stable? Because it has deep roots. The deeper the roots, the more stable and unshaken the tree. Keeping our feet flat, and spaced widely apart gives us that sense of stability and centeredness. One wonderful speaker shared an amazing tip with me- To imagine yourself to be a dragon with a huge-tail – a tail that engulfs an entire room. Such a dragon draws its strength and stability from its close proximity to the ground – No, I am not suggesting that you sit down and give you speech 😀 But the slightly further apart your feet, the less wobbly you feel. The less shaky. Less hopping and swaying. More trusting in yourself.
· Stay genuine - There are many many ‘successful’ speakers, who have figured out what works on stage and what doesn’t. They have figured out how to appear charming, and irresistible. And yet, in our gut, we know we can’t trust them. Why? We realize they are putting on a show. They don’t seem genuine. Regardless of anything else we do in our journey to becoming better speakers, this is the only thing I believe we should never be willing to sacrifice or compromise – our genuineness. Retain it.
· Improve all your interactions – You don’t need an audience of 100 to call yourself of a speaker. Improve the way to communicate with anyone and everyone. For the most part, the same tools work in individual interactions too. The way people receive you and your message in personal communication will also give you sense of how you will be received as a public speaker. Improve your effectiveness in daily conversations and interactions, and that will show up in your public speaking skills as well.
The journey to becoming a better speaker is a journey undertaken at many levels. Being able to craft powerful content, being able to memorize it, and share it is only scratching the surface. The deeper journey to becoming a more effective and powerful speaker is a deeper journey into our own personal development –
Recognizing that people respond more to our ‘vibe’ and our ‘energy and presence’ than to our words.
That the audience connects better to stories than to well-reasoned logical arguments.
That authenticity, conviction, decisiveness, self-assurance, spontaneity, congruence, vulnerability, and deep inner strength – All of these go into the making of a really good speaker. The truly successful speaker is such a person not just on stage, but also off-stage. You don’t need to be loud or aggressive to do any of this – you can have you own quiet dignified style of communication – but make no mistake – if you have these qualities, they will shine through for all the audience members to see.
A good speaker combines the brain, heart and spirit - They don’t merely speak to impress others with their intelligence. Rather, they speak to connect with the audience. Perhaps by sharing stories from their personal life. And demonstrating spirit – strength of character, grace, courtesy and generosity in the tonality of their speech and tonality of their conduct.
A great speaker really makes you feel that you want to be more like them. A genuine, great speaker has personally undertaken the journey to strengthen themselves, over a long period of time, and are really worthy of such admiration. They are role models, and people truly worth listening to.
This article paints the picture of a persona that is hard to achieve. Indeed, it is a life-long journey for most of us. From my perspective, this is the map. Feel free to use the portions of the map that speak to you.
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